Why Men Lie to Women & Why It’s Good for Your Relationship
For most women, trust is the most valuable component of their relationship. If she could trust her guy fully and completely, most of her relationship problems would disappear.
This is why most women will have “honesty” as the first word that comes to mind after “funny” when they are asked what they are looking for in a guy.
But the Cold Hard Truth Is That Men Lie
Women do too, of course, but men do it far more often and for much different reasons. If more women knew why men lied, it might keep them from getting hurt, and could even help them spot it sooner.
In fact, knowing why men lie can also help women pick out the good apples from the bad much more quickly giving her the benefit of less wasted time on Mr. Wrong.
When women know why men are lying, not only are they able to feel more secure in their relationships, but maybe, just maybe, fewer fights will break out by the day’s end.
7 Good, Bad and Ugly Reasons Why Men Lie to Women
Why Men Lie: Because He Thinks He's Helping
A different wording to this reason is “Because he’s trying to avoid a fight.”
Enter the age-old question, “Does this dress make me look fat?” and you understand this point in an instant.
He can’t win this one, no matter how he answers... so he lies.
What many women forget is that it doesn’t matter what his answer is; if he is with her, he thinks she’s beautiful and will be attracted to her whether she’s wearing that dress or one of the five she tried on before it.
For him, bullet dodged.
If you're upset that he won't tell you the truth if he actually does think you could find something more flattering, just avoid putting him in the situation in the first place. Take a girlfriend shopping with you instead. She can be far more honest with you without risking being in the doghouse for a week.
Then he won't have to lie and you won't have to be mad at him for it. Your relationship has been helped in the process.
Why Men Lie: Because He Has a Fragile Ego
Fragile, but large. Too large to tell you he has feelings, but fragile enough to remind you he is human once in a while.
He might tell you he's relieved and happy that he didn't get the promotion at work when deep down he's feeling like a failure and is really disappointed in himself. He knows that you would view him as a better provider (like he wants to be) if he'd gotten the better job but rather than showing you he's upset he just covers it up.
The idea of failing is difficult for men to handle and because they don't talk about their emotions like women do it's easier to just cover it up by lying that he's "all good".
This can also be his way of not burdening you and protecting you from the stress he's carrying around.
Why Men Lie: Because He Wants to Build up His Ego
This lie occurs when he’s with men more frequently than when he’s with women.
“I kept her up all night” or “I’m going to be making six figures any day now,” things like that.
This simply goes back to the primate need of puffing himself up in front of other male members of the species.
If women are around, these lies get even bigger. For example, he may tell the couple friends you are having dinner with that he can bench 250 too, and you may wonder what he’s talking about when he hasn’t been to the gym in six months...
Some of this is harmless enough, but beware if these little ego building lies get too far out of hand.
Like if he briefs you on what to say when a certain topic gets brought up at dinner with your friends. You don't want to get drug into perpetuating his lies making you a liar too. Like if he's telling everyone the top end Mercedes he's driving is his when you know it's really his bosses car.
This kind of lie can be super helpful to you in the form of a red flag warning you to run! Sometimes the best relationship help can be that which helps you to end it.
Why Men Lie: Because He's Just Not That into You Anymore
The most unfortunate reason of all: He is falling out of love.
“No, sorry, won’t be able to call when I land, I don’t even know where I’ll be once the convention even starts.”
Using qualifiers like “even” repeatedly, a higher pitch in his voice or a lack of details are clues that you are falling victim to this reason.
Just like #3 above, this is a "warning sign" kind of a lie. You have a couple of options here.
Option #1 - You realize you're actually not that in to him anymore and you start to figure out the breakup process so you don't waste anymore time with someone you don't want to be with for the long term.
Option #2 - You're alarmed because this guy is a keeper! You need to dig in deep to understanding why men lose interest and what you can do to rekindle the flame. Maybe the romance has dwindled, maybe you're just not connecting.
Whatever it is, he's feeling it too and you need to take action ASAP before it's too late. In this case, this kind of a lie can actually save your relationship.
Why Men Lie: Because He's Trying to Get out of Something
This will be a chore around the house, a new project at work, a new level of commitment with you.
This is also one of the top reasons women lie to men. “No sorry, washing my hair that night.” Sound familiar?
If lies around little things start becoming a big problem and cause unnecessary fighting all the time, figure out how to remove the source. Did he agree he would be responsible for mowing the lawn but every time it's supposed to be done "something comes up" and you have to do it for him?
Find out how much it would cost to have someone do it for you. If it's reasonable based on where you are financially, offer to split the cost with him. Then not only do neither one of you have to do it, but you don't have to fight about it either. Maybe the cost outweighs the agony and you've helped your relationship and the lawn!
Why Men Lie: Because He Can Get Away with It
Men may not always be great liars, but they aren’t stupid either. They will lie when they know they can get away with it.
If he tells you that he graduated at the top of the class, he knows you aren’t going to go on a fact-checking mission. This goes back to the #3 ego booster as well.
Just because you don't hire a private investigator to check on every detail doesn't mean you can't use your intuition. If your woman's intuition is telling you these things seem a little fishy, trust it. Ask him some questions to learn more about him. Be sincere, nice and honestly interested in the event he's telling the truth.
Just beware if things always seem a little too picture perfect without proof it might be an indicator you don't actually know who this guy is. You might want to slow things down a little and take a bit more time to get to know him before getting too serious.
Why Men Lie: Because He Truly Believes You Might Turn into a Psycho Chick if He Tells You the Truth
Unfortunately some women before you may have colored his perception of the opposite sex. You can’t blame him; his half has done the same to you, which is why you refer to many men you once dated as psychos or stalkers yourself.
You can decrease your chances of becoming victim to this one by … never acting like a psycho chick. When he sees your calm, cool attitude all of the time, he will be more willing to be honest with you.
This makes your life easier too because being a psycho chick takes a lot of energy and can completely ruin a day or two. You're relationship with yourself, him and everyone around you will be better for it.
A Readily Available Self-Preservation Tool
The bottom line is that most of the time men lie for self-preservation.
Although you think his little white lies or big whoppers are reason enough to start a fight, just remember, that’s exactly what he’s trying to avoid.
And when that’s not the case, he’s doing so because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, even if you really deserve the truth, like, “my friends thinks it’s time to break up.”
Men aren’t as in touch with their emotive centers as women, so it’s not as easy for them to just open up and give it to you in real talk.
When you know why he’s fibbing, though, it makes your job that much easier. And when he has a history with you knowing that you don’t go all loco when the truth comes out, he will be that much more willing in the future to give you just that.
And remember, if you keep a cool head and look, there's often ways for you to turn these lies into actions you can take to improve your relationship.
Image thanks: The American Genius