Why Men Have Affairs and How to Help Prevent Him from Cheating
Does hearing the words "he had an affair" make you cringe with disgust and send your mind racing through thoughts like "how could he!?" "I can't believe it" "that s.o.b." and immediately swear that you will never speak to him again... even though you weren't the one in a relationship with him?
Does hearing of another affair make you wonder "why do so many men have affairs?" or "do ALL men have affairs?"
Do you have quiet concerns that you may unknowingly be doing something to send your man wandering?
Maybe you're wondering what you can be doing proactively to help ensure you don't end up with a cheating partner.
It is incredibly disheartening that so much infidelity goes on in relationships and marriages, as a great deal of hurt normally ensues.
Let's look at some of the common reasons why men have affairs and give you valuable action you can take in your relationship to help prevent your man from straying.
Lots of Guys Do It. What's the Big Deal?
While controversy surrounds the statistics of the number of men in long-term relationships that will have at least one affair (estimates range from 25 to 72 percent) we know for certain that it does happen.
And the numbers suggest it happens a lot. Even so, it's still a big deal and you shouldn't just accepted it as normal if monogamy is what you're after.
With affairs happening all the time it doesn't take much for men to see their friends having affairs, hear about celebrities doing it, and watch plenty of movies that include passionate affairs.
It's around us all the time and unfortunately, the more common something is, the more people tend to think it's all right. Regardless of if it is or isn't.
Take a look at the kinds of friends your man hangs out with. Men tend to hang out with a social group that has similar morals and values.
Just because "many" are having affairs does not mean it is right, and a man with integrity is more likely to choose not to have friends that cheat on their women.
Try This: It might be time for the two of you to find some new joint friends that you both enjoy hanging out with and that share the same values you do. As we continue down the path of life our priorities change.... and so do our friends.
If he's regularly hanging out with a bunch of old buddies that don't have any signs of valuing committed relationships, it could serve him (and you) well to be around more positive influences more often.
It takes time and energy to meet new friends. Maybe he just needs you to lead the charge on this.
Testosterone Keeps Stoking the Fire
Men's testosterone levels are about 10 times higher than women.
Testosterone is a hormone that causes one to have a higher libido, be more aggressive and riskier.
When boys hit puberty and their testosterone levels jump, their sexual drive goes through the roof and sex is on their mind much of the time.
That being said, with a man's sexual drive being predominantly higher than women's, some men opt to seek sex outside of the relationship.
Try This: Taking good care of yourself will help keep your libido alive. Take action to make sure you're feeding yourself a clean whole foods diet, getting enough good sleep at night, reducing your stress through journaling, meditation and saying "no" when you need to, and getting regular exercise.
If you've fallen off track in any of these areas take some time out for yourself to put a plan in place to take good care of you.
Hot and Steamy Sex Replaced by Monotonous and Infrequent Sex
Men tend to love passionate and exciting sex.
What happens in most relationships is that the sexual life starts off wonderful. The couple has sex often, and it is pretty hot and steamy.
After awhile though, the sex life can get monotonous and infrequent.
It could be both partners' fault, but much of the time, it's women who pull away from the sexual scene.
Plenty of men will admit that once they've been in a relationship for more than a year, the sex rate drops considerably.
When babies and children come, it dwindles even more.
Men tend to want sex even when they've had a long, hard day and are tired. Women tend to just want to curl up in bed and sleep after a long, hard day.
Try This: You can actually meet your man's sexual desires with little effort, while keeping your clothes on. You know... with your hands... but only if you do it right.
Cassidy Lyon and Digital Romance did an anonymous survey and a whopping 89% of men said they would rather masturbate than get a handjob from their wife or girlfriend because "she never does it right"...
AND almost every guy said that sometimes they just laid there and “endured” a bad handjob (even pretending he was loving every moment of it) because he “Didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”
That’s the bad news . . .
The good news is that Cassidy took everything she learned in her research (and after going through the worst handjob horror story I’ve ever heard) and created this amazing video where she teaches you EXACTLY how to give your man a truly ASTONISHING handjob (where he’ll beg you for more and even give up masturbation and porn) in shockingly little time . ..
What’s amazing about this video is that it teaches you the shocking truth about male sexuality, what goes through guy’s minds when you’re touching them and what they SECRETLY want you to do but are PETRIFIED to tell you.
Lack of Sex in the Relationship
Lack of sex in the relationship is often times why men have affairs. This probably isn't shocking and you've probably heard this before.
Some men go out and deliberately seek another women, and others simply cave when an opportunity presents itself.
This does not have to be the case.
Talk to your guy about your sex life; see if he is happy with it.
Evaluate your own feelings.
Is it boring? Routine? Can you spice it up?
Do you feel him close his eyes and "goes somewhere else" during sex?
There are many ways you can heat it up the bedroom. It just takes some effort by both partners. For example...
How comfortable are you engaging in "Dirty Talk" when he asks for it?
Would your sex life heat up if you knew how to enter your man's erogenous zone through his mind and his imagination?
Try This: Simply learn a few phrases even "good girls" can say that will drive him wild and leave you both feeling connected, happy and in love.
You’ll learn more about the erotic imagination of men in the 5 minutes it takes you to read this article than you would in a lifetime on your own. . .
He's Searching for Those Special Feelings
Experts report that many men who have affairs suffer from low self-esteem.
It could be due to their own low self-worth or perhaps their women continually put them down or simply show no support. The subtle things you say to a man affect him much more than you might think.
Men like and need emotional support from their partners, so if they're not getting it, they may stray in order to feel liked, powerful and sexy.
Men also like to know that they still have sex appeal. They want to feel special and attractive, and if they are not getting that at home, they are more likely to stray.
Try This: A simple shift in the way you talk to your man can completely change the way he sees you and connects with you. After the spark has left the relationship and you've entered into the Comfort Zone it can be easy to slip into using more nagging, less supportive and less respecting communication than your man deserves.
Replacing that language with more supportive and respecting words and tones will perk him up like adding water to wilty flowers.
What's surprising is that to men, feeling respected is more important than feeling loved! This is known as The Respect Principle and is simple and powerful if you know how to use it.
The Power Trip
Of course, some men are simply on a power and ego trip, so their affairs would have nothing to due with the fault of their women.
They could be suffering from personal, inner struggles and choose not to deal with them in a more acceptable way, such as therapy.
Try This: Have an honest conversation about how you feel your relationship is going and things you feel you need from him and aren't getting. Here's a tip from Dr. Ruth (yes, the sex therapist) - have this conversation in a place where no one else is going to hear you or interrupt you. Going for a hike or a walk in the woods is a great choice. The act of moving will help reduce stress and tension between you.
Feeling Trapped by the Daily Grind
Lastly, when men get into long-term relationships or get married, sometimes they get to a point where they feel trapped.
They go to work, come home, help take care of kids and the home, listen to a nagging wife, and get up the next day to do the same thing.
Men like to feel independent and have excitement and variety in their lives.
Certainly they can find that without having an affair, but for many, the thrill of sneaking around and having forbidden sex with another woman is very appealing to them.
Try This: Escape feeling trapped by the daily grind. Find time during the week that is a "release valve" for each of you. This might be time you spend together or time you spend a part.
For example, maybe you're tied to a regimented schedule and are committed to clean eating everyday with the exception of Friday at 5:00 PM to Saturday at 5:00 PM. During that time you can eat what is otherwise restricted, get away from "the schedule" and just do whatever comes to you - sans all chores and duties.
Or maybe he enjoys skiing and you don't. He goes skiing for several hours on Sunday and you get out and do whatever makes your heart sing. But again, no doing chores while he's out playing or you'll end up resenting his play time.
If you have children that need tending to you might need to alternate days but you get the gist.
You both have time away from the daily grind to restore yourselves so you can reconnect with each other.
Every Relationship is Unique
These are simply a few reasons why men have affairs. Each man, situation and relationship is different, but these are a few signs to look for when you are wondering if your man is, or will remain, faithful.
Be sure to communicate with your partner or husband if you feel like he's thinking about having an affair or if you think he is having an affair.
Together, evaluate your relationship in terms of communication, passion and sex.
Be honest and open.
"I Can't Do Anything Right with Men"
Feeling like the problems in your relationship run deeper than what was mentioned above? Like you're stuck and just don't know where to start... like you just don't understand men?
Maybe you feel like the more you try to please him, the more he pulls away?
And when you ask him what's wrong, he just says "Nothing".
You must remember that what works with women does not work with men.
The truth is as a women, you have a lot of influence over your man. You likely don't need to try harder, you just need to know WHAT to try.
Open your man's eyes to the AMAZING woman he has right in front of him:
Women Men Adore
Whatever Clock image source uncommongoods.com