Why He Didn’t Call You: It’s Probably Not What You Think

If you're like most women, when you're with a guy you're really into (especially if he's a new guy) and he says he'll call you, you smile with a warm heart and glow all the way home with anticipation of what might be.

You replay how great it was to hang out with him and how great it will be when he calls you. You daydream about that next conversation and what you'll do the next time you see each other.

All is good, you're happy, glowing and everything is great... until... 

He Didn't Call You like He Said He Would

Then all those warm feelings start to fade and you begin to wonder if your phone works, if you're getting messages ok, if he has the right number.

As more time passes you start to replay being together and analyze if you really connected like you thought you did and if he was sincere when he said he would call you.  

As more even more time passes you start to wonder if something happened to him, if he was in a car accident and severely injured??  

Then when even more time passes you enter into... "he must just not be into me" mode.

Now you feel deflated, disappointed, a little embarrassed for getting your hopes so high (and everything you told your friends about how great he is) and convince yourself he just wasn't that great anyway.

Any of this scenario sound familiar? Maybe just a little?

And if you're already dating this guy the feelings that arise after he didn't call when he said he would are intensified and the scenario in your mind is even more exaggerated because you're emotionally invested in the relationship.

Now you wonder if he's going to leave, if there's someone else, and the injuries he may have sustained in the make believe accident in your mind are even more critical!

At this point, your creative mind has gotten a good workout, but...​

What's the Real Reason He Didn't Call You?

Ever since the invention of the telephone, women have been asking questions like:

“Why didn’t he call me back?”

“Why didn’t he call when he said that he would? and...

“Is he ever going to call?”

There are as many answers to the question “Why doesn’t he call?” as there are men in the world. Most men have their individual reasons; some of them are valid, some of them don’t make sense to women at all.

Before you convince yourself he's just a big flake and you hope you never run into him again (or tell yourself you're really gonna let him have it when he does call) consider the following.

8 Reasons He Didn't Call: #8 Will Shock You!

#1 - He Didn't Call You Because... He Didn't Want to Seem Too Eager 

This is one of the most common reasons why he doesn’t call.

This is most true in the early stages of a dating relationship. Most of the time he will call, but he won’t call back right away because he wants to give the girl the illusion that he actually has a life outside of this dating relationship.

Even men who aren’t playing by the old-fashioned notion of “The Rules” really are. They want to be in control of the chasing. In this case, he will call, but on his terms and his timing.

Women often think if he doesn’t call back right away, it means something terrible. Not always—sometimes he’s just waiting for the right time.

#2 - He Didn't Call You Because... He Changed His Mind or He's Seeing Someone Else

While we would hope this is not the case, sometimes it happens that he’s not calling because he’s just not that into you.

This one holds most true for those in the early stages of a relationship. In most cases he will change his mind if there have been few to no actual dates.

If you met him at a bar, for example, and never heard from him again, the he probably sobered up and changed his mind or woke up the next morning and remembered that he already had a girlfriend.

#3 - He Didn't Call You Because... He Literally CAN'T Call

In these cases, he has an actual reason that has nothing to do with the girl in question.

He might be fighting pirates, closing a big deal, composing a new opera, or visiting his grandmother in the hospital. Whatever his reason is, he has one, and when he has dealt with the pirates and the opera music, he will call you back, or call you like he said he would.

This is for those who have been involved with him for a few months, or a few dates, and are genuinely confused as to why he doesn’t call.

#4 - He Didn't Call You Because... He Was Drunk When He Said He Would Call and Has Completely Forgotten

You can insert any aspect of life into “drunk” and the concept would still hold true.

Men have a lot on their plates and sometimes forget that they promised to call someone, especially if they just met her.

If he likes her, eventually he will sober up and remember, but it could be a few days on this one.

#5 - He Didn't Call You Because... He's Upset 

For those who have been involved in a dating relationship for a little while, and he suddenly goes a little cold, not calling is often a sign that he’s upset.

This doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship, just that he needs a little cooling-off time.

Are you waiting for him to call and make up after a fight?

Did you say or do something that you know set him off, even a little?

Maybe he’s not even upset with you in particular, but you have reached a point of progressing in commitment and he’s a little gun-shy.

Not calling in situations like this would be his way of trying to sort it out on his own, before he has an actual conversation with you about it.

Guys process emotions differently and this process takes them longer.​

#6 - He Didn't Call You Because... He's Trying to Figure out How Much He Likes You

This reason is for those who have been dating for a little while and are going to be taking it to the next level in the future.

When he doesn’t call, what he is doing is trying to figure out how much he likes you. Sounds a little counter productive, but by not calling he is figuring out with himself what it is like not to talk to you all the time, and how not having you on phone standby makes him feel.

If he’s into you, he will miss you and you will hear from him.

#7 - He Didn't Call You Because... He Doesn't Want to Feel like He's on a Leash

This reason is most common for those already in long-term relationships.

Marriage, engaged couples, and long-term couples experience this frequently.

He just doesn’t want to call, because he wants to experience the freedom of singlehood on occasion by not having to check in every five minutes.

#8 - He Didn't Call You Because... You Didn't Show Him Respect

Confused? With all we're told about the relationships between men and women it seems all the talk is that men need to show women more respect.

We don't often hear about how important it is for women to show respect to men.

A bit of a double standard don't you think?

This was a enormous light bulb moment for me when I first head of The Respect Principle taught by relationship expert James Bauer. So simple and yet why isn't this taught to us when we're young ladies!?!?

When I watched the video below I instantly realized I had gotten a little sloppy with the way I sometimes talk to my husband. No flipping wonder he wasn't responding the way I wanted him to! I wasn't encouraging it. I wasn't giving him what he needed the way he needed it.

I deployed James's advice the next opportunity I could and got instant results from my husband. It's just not that complicated once you understand it.

Why He Didn't Call

Learn How the Subtle Things You Say to a Man Affect Him Much More Than You Might Think

​We normally like to assign “total jerk” behavior to men, but… we women can totally be guilty of it too… (sigh). But turning this around is so simple with James’s Respect Principle. Learn more about it here. 

You need him to feel you respect him, the deeper him, the real him. True respect is demonstrated, not just spoken with words. This is a concept that is difficult to explain without a lot of examples and more in-depth explanation. Because of that, James put together a video that describes a profound experience he's had with teaching women what he now calls "The Respect Principle."​ Check it out here. You'll be real happy you did.

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