The Reason Men Lie to Women Is in Their Physiology?
Have you ever found yourself in a situation with a man where your "He's lying... he's lying!" sirens are going off in your head?
Of course you have! It's a simple fact that men lie to women (even the ones they love) all the time.
After spending a little time with a guy you're serious about you start to notice with complete bewilderment that he lies to you about little things. He lies to you about big things. He lies to you about things that you can't possibly fathom why he's lying about them because they don't matter... AT ALL!?!?
And the next stops for the women's brain are: Maybe he doesn't like me? Maybe he's seeing someone else? What is he hiding from me? What's really going on? Does he really love me?
So for the sake of women's sanity... what is this strange man behavior all about anyway? For the women out there asking "Why is he lying?" and...
WHY can't he just tell me the truth?
We turn to relationship expert Michael Fiore who's helped thousands of women understand men.
Michael surveyed over 20,000 men and gained some pretty interesting insights. He says there's actually THREE reasons that men lie to women (and two of them are pretty innocent). The first one tends to be pretty eye opening to most women.
Michael says that men lie to women because...
Men are SCARED of Women
No, not physically. (Not that men are never the victims of physical abuse by women, it's just not what we're talking about here. Physical abuse of any kind is never ok.)
Nope, Michael says men are scared of women's EMOTIONS.
Let's face it. Women have a WIDE range of emotions we go through... sometimes in a shockingly short amount of time.
While women can go through significant emotional swings in a day and still function, it's much different for men.
It might be difficult for women to understand, but...
Emotions are actually physiologically harder for guys to deal with and to recover from than they are for women.
To further elaborate on Michael Fiore's survey findings, I'd like to share some of Dr. John Gottman's clinical findings from his relationship laboratory (fascinating work described in the book below) and work with the Gottman Institute.
Dr. John Gottman (Author of the New York Times Best Seller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert which is an excellent book anyone in a long term relationship should read), explains women can both enter and recover from extreme emotional states MUCH faster and easier than guys can.
It's a biological fact: men are more easily overwhelmed by marital conflict that are their wives.
John Gottman, PH.D. & Nan Silver | The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
If you think back to some of your emotional episodes, you'll start to understand what he's talking about.
You can be totally distraught and in tears sobbing about disappointment and heartache only to be brought back to stable and cracking a smile 15 minutes later. But...
When It comes to Men and Emotions, They Are a Lot More Fragile
In Chapter 3 of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman suggests this is due to the evolution of men and women:
Anthropological evidence suggests that we evolved from hominids whose lives were circumscribed by very rigid gender roles, since these were advantageous to survival in a harsh environment. The females specialized in nurturing children, while the males specialized in cooperative hunting and protection.
This is probably not news to you. The early days of hunters and gatherers is still talked about today... Paleo Diet anyone?
But what isn't so common knowledge is the physiological differences that went into fulfilling those roles successfully and surviving natural selection as both a male and a female. Gottman goes on to explain:
As most nursing mothers can tell you, the amount of milk you produce is affected by how relaxed you feel, which is related to the release of the hormone oxytocin in the brain. So natural selection would favor a female who could quickly soothe herself and calm down after feeling stressed. Her ability to remain composed could enhance her children's chances of survival by optimizing the amount of nutrition they received...
Now we're starting to understand how deep rooted the nurturer is in women (regardless of if you have children or not). Not only is this a role women play but it is also physiologically a part of their makeup.
...But in the male, natural selection would reward the opposite response. For these early cooperative hunters, maintaining vigilance was a key survival skill. So males whose adrenaline kicked in quite readily and who did not calm down so easily were more likely to survive to procreate.
To this day, the male cardiovascular system remains more active than that of the female and slower to recover from stress...
...Since marital confrontation that activates vigilance takes a greater physical toll on the male, it's no surprise that men are more likely than women to attempt to avoid it...
He's Simply Practicing Self-Preservation?
So he actually isn't that scumbag you make him out to be in all of those scenarios you create in your mind... at least not all the time.
I've heard this described like swimming and think that analogy makes it easier and more fun to understand:
Getting emotional for women is a lot like jumping off a dock into a lake.
You get cold and wet, sure, but the dock is right there and just a few seconds later, you're able to climb back out and you're safe, warm, and dry again.
But for guys, getting emotional is like getting dropped in the middle of the ocean, bobbing in the water, surrounded by sharks, with land nowhere in sight.
So what does this emotional evolution of men have to do with why men lie to women?
From a very young age, guys learn that if they tell women the truth, they could FREAK OUT and FLOOD them with scary emotions.
Such a response could push men out in the ocean where it would take them hours to recover.
So rather than telling you the truth about something based on how *they think* you're going to respond (negative, emotional, overreact) they tell you what *they think* you want to hear and how you'll respond to that (happy, smiley, smooth sailing).
Unfortunately we women know that's likely going to exaggerate the problem... but that's what they're up to.
Of Course That's Not the Only Reason Men Lie to Women They Love
...nor is understanding why men lie to women (even the ones they love) the only thing women need to understand about men to better connect with them.
If you've ever been heartbroken by a man then you need to know how to find out the real truth about how he feels about you... what he wants from you... and how to make a man truly yours forever. In other words, you need to see what else came from Michael's Secret Survey.
If you want to truly understand men, you should drop what you're doing and watch this video now.
You'll learn why guys lie and other mysteries of men that the guys in your life simply never tell you.
It gives you X-ray vision into the minds of men based off 20,000 secret survey responses from real men who were asked "What's the one thing you desperately wish your women knew about men but could never tell her."
How to Know if a Man Really Loves You: 7 Simple Questions that Prove How He Really Feels
In the video (at 4 minutes 50 seconds) Micheal teaches some eye opening concepts about what you're likely doing with men that are screwing things up for you.
Then he walks you through 7 questions you need to honestly answer about the man in your life and what you need to do based on your score from all 7 questions.
The 7 simple questions you can ask yourself (right now while watching the video) to kill doubt and anxiety.... and know with almost 100% certainty whether the guy you're with or are dating truly cares about you... or if he's just using you or is just stringing you along.
It's a powerful way to know today, before the end of the video if you're dealing with your very own Prince Charming who truly adores you and you should give yourself to... or a Douchebag you should walk away from and never think about again.
I don't know how long Michael is going to leave this video up, but if you want to UNDERSTAND men, you need to watch it right now while you still can: >> How to Know if a Man Really Loves You: 7 Simple Questions that Prove How He REALLY Feels.